


Pandora's Box

by Snailontheslope (Xiena)



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Artificial Intelligence, Brain Damage, Cool Technologies of Transcendence, Drift Bond, Happy Scientists, I forgot to tell you that Newton is not really dead, M/M, Post Movie, Preservation of Consciousness, Rebuilding the World, Young Geniuses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-01-18 19:16:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1439746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiena/pseuds/Snailontheslope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about how Hermann Gottlieb changed the world forever because of Newton Geiszler. Lots of people, including young genius scientists, help. Involves amateur scientific vision of the future with integration of drifting, robotech and other technologies. Place of action is mostly London, UK, after the Breach is closed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night that Hermann Gottlieb will always remember with guilt and grief.

Hermann was lying on a messy bed staring at the wall. The room was lit by dim bioluminescent blue coming from a Kaiju part. Newton probably thought it was cool to have that abominable thing in his room. Maybe he slept better when close to his favorite monsters.

Hermann shut his eyes, letting the air rush out of his lungs. He relaxed, falling into a dream-like state. But a second later the cold made him shiver and he was yanked into reality again. It took him a few moments to realize where he was and a familiar ache reminded him of what had happened.

 

They had won. The war was over. The monsters gone. Hermann relived the joy and relief after the breach was closed. Newt throwing an arm around his shoulders, jumping. The party afterwards. Hermann laughed along, they were safe and he had not felt that happy in a long time, in years. They had stupid songs and dances and celebrated like teenagers before summer break.

It was already early morning when Hermann helped Newton get back to his room. Geiszler had not even drunk that much. Maybe a shot of whiskey, a half pint of beer. He was alright, just a bit off. They both were exhausted. Both had not had a proper sleep for days. It was no surprise Newt was almost collapsing, leaning heavily on his crippled colleague. He pushed the door, barging in his room and Hermann inadvertently followed, half trying to keep Newton steady, half trying not to fall himself.

Newt's skin was hot to touch, Herman's fingertips burning. He felt a ticklish sensation at the back of his head bringing back memories and feelings from the drift - those that did not belong to him. Newton jerked his hand to his own head, too.

'Ya feel that?'

Hermann nodded and received the brightest smile from his colleague. Newton was wobbly standing on his tired legs and he pushed himself forward, crashing their foreheads together to shift the center of mass. They simultaneously gasped for air feeling the connection of their minds. Newt was the first one to break it as he drew his head far enough to look into Hermann's eyes and then kiss him sloppily above the brow. Pulling away, Newt threw his glasses in the general direction of the table. Hermann chuckled and briefly considered the survival rate of the already shattered lenses and plastic frame. He could not remember his colleague being so reckless with his glasses before. The man was dependent on them in a way.

Hermann reluctantly let him go as Newt collapsed back on the bed. He could not orient himself into sitting straight. Hermann was still much better at it, so he frowned and helped his colleague to take off his boots while Newt worked on the buttons of his shirt. He managed to put it in the pile of clothes on the floor and picked a green t-shirt with full intention to pull it over his head. He scowled and let out a frustrated moan because his arms were not listening to his brain. Newt froze there concerned, eyes not focusing on anything. Hermann stood up with difficulty and steadied his breath before helping with the t-shirt and guiding Newton to lie down properly. He considered it for a bit and sat on the bed, leaning down to unlace his shoes.

Newt tugged at his sweater and Hermann pulled it off. He sat on the edge of the bed for a bit, fidgeting his cane and smiled at the buzz still humming in his ears after the party. He felt Newt's palm on his back and turned to look at the man. His bloodshot eye was half closed and tearing up, his mouth was a bit open and weirdly quirked. Hermann frowned at him. He had suggested they abstain from alcohol that night but it was Newt and everybody were around him, waiting for him to share their victory. And Newt gave in to euphoria. He kept it to a minimum but Hermann was still irritated.

'If you had listened to me, you would have felt better now.'

Newt stared at him as if not understanding.

'Doubt it, Herm.'

His eye momentarily closed and opened again and Hermann thought for a second whether his partner had just winced from pain or tried to wink at him. He shook his head judgmentally and shifted his weight to relief his leg, putting his arm near pillow for stability.

Hermann felt distant panic and gave Newt a quick glance. Newt blurted out a single word as fast as he could:

'Stay.'

Hermann looked at him again. Of course he was not going anywhere. Being so close to Newton felt good, right. He could still sense his partner’s consciousness lingering in his mind in the after drift. Hermann closed his eyes, giving in to exhaustion. He rested his cane on the edge of the table and brought his bad leg into bed with his hands, ignoring the dull pain in the limb and back.

Newton grabbed at him weakly as soon as he was within reach. He touched Hermann's face cautiously as if he was blind, staring into nothingness in front of him although the table lamp denied complete darkness in the windowless room. He brushed Hermann’s lips and nose, settling his fingers on Hermann's ear and playing with it a bit.

He should have been uneasy being so close, but Hermann shoved these thoughts aside. It was the person with whom he had shared his everything in a drift less than a day ago, not to mention the person who knew him best anyway from those years of work together. He calmed down and let Newt gently touch him, bringing their heads together in search for a stronger connection. Hermann shut his eyes and stayed still drowning in the feeling of peaceful warmth. The cotton which touched his face grew wetter and Hermann opened his eyes again to find that it was not him who was crying. He was surprised that tears streamed from Newt’s eyes although he felt deep sorrow as if it was his. He instinctively pushed himself closer to Newt, covering them both with the blanket from behind his back. He squeezed Newt's hand in his and fell asleep breathing in unison with his partner.

He reluctantly picked up at some solid thought that led him out of a dream when his mind registered movements. Hermann was fast awake when he realized Newton was seizing. He pushed himself up to see Newton on his back, shaking violently. Hermann panicked, the cold fear overthrowing any sleepiness he had a moment ago. Newton had bled from his nose in sleep, large brownish stains already dry at the edges. Hermann fell from the bed, dragging Newton with him to the floor. His whole body screamed of painful stiffness as it always did after sleep. He struggled to put Newton to his side, so that the man would not choke on his vomit, which showed up at the mouth with yellowish foam. Hermann shouted for help, his voice cracking up as he watched the liquid ooze out of Newt's mouth and mix with blood from his nose on the floor. Hermann swallowed hard, suppressing his gag reflexes. He pushed himself up to his knees. Newton was going through his final convulsions while Hermann desperately tried to find his pulse. Screaming and massaging Newt's heart, he felt his brain jolt with pain as if someone was removing parts of it without sedation.

People rushed into the room. Medics put him aside and he let them touch Newt. Shocked and unable to think any more, he looked them defibrillate the man. But Newton was gone. Hermann fought with hands and grabbed Newt’s body, clutching him in his hands, he brought their heads together because the loss was unbearable. He felt like a part of his own brain had died, his vision blacking and dimming with waves of pain.

Strong hands pulled him up and someone wiped blood under his nose with cold hands. Losing consciousness, Hermann felt last bits of annoyance from the lights flickering at his eyes and everything collapsed into darkness.

 

He turned to his side slowly so that the throbbing pain would be steady.

Newt was gone.

Hermann cautiously nudged the hole in his mind which was once filled with Newton. He knew there was no way he could forget that Newton completed him when they drifted. He would not get rid of this loss. The hole was much more evident now that he knew what it was like when it was filled. It was impossible to sink into the previous state of normality, he would never be able to trick himself into feeling whole again.

He tasted metal on his tongue and put some cloth to his face to absorb the blood from his nose. Hermann was in pain all over. His head throbbed with pulsing migraine, his leg was almost numb from the hip down as if it was stabbed there. He looked at the blood and realized that he had wiped it with Newton's shirt. Sobbing tearlessly and silently, he could not muster any strength to produce a noise. He brought the shirt back to his nose. It smelled like his partner. Hermann was lying in Newton's bed. He would scream if he could. Fear squeezed his heart when he realized the blood wouldn't stop streaming from his nose.

'Am I going to die, too?' The fear suddenly loosened its grip a bit. He breathed in through his mouth helplessly and touched the rough dry blood stains on the pillow. Death seemed like a plausible relief and it calmed him. He slipped back into near-dream and floated on the edge of sleep.

 

'Drift is like a buffer for your memories, right? It preserves consciousness, man. You know how they use different hard drives for each Jäger? Should be to keep the Pandora's box closed, to stop ghosts and shadows from wandering into other people's minds. What do you think?'

Hermann rolled his eyes.

'Geiszler, you are impossible. Sometimes you talk like you have six classes of school, not six degrees. Ghosts?'

'It's a metaphor, dude!'

 

Hermann's heart sent a pain message to his brain with the request for blood with oxygen, bringing him back from the dream. He coughed and sucked in air, as he realized he forgot to breath in his sleep.

He blinked a few times. 'Preserved consciousness...', '...drift...' - words circled in his head and he focused on the Anti-Kaiju poster on the wall. Newton added red blush to Kaiju's face which looked ridiculous. Newton was a ridiculous man. Hermann missed him and would eventually die because of his absence in this world. Absence in his mind.

He had to drift again using the same hard drives. He could rewrite the drifting program. His brain started to turn rusty gears to work. Hermann skimmed through the code in his head and started to rewrite it. He felt feverish, sick. He would throw up.

Breathe. Calm. Get used to pain. These were his realms.

Hermann sat up very slowly. He was weak. He had not eat and had hardly slept for days and days. He stopped counting. Removing blood crystals from his nose, he could breathe once again. He grabbed his cane and dragged himself to the bathroom. The water washed away all the blood and half his pain. He felt cold but these shivers could not be cured with hot water. He dressed in whatever fresh or at least not so dirty clothes he found in Newt's room.

Hermann caught his shadow in a mirror and stopped. He scrutinized his face. Pale white skin stained with strange unnatural bruises. And his eyes had noticeably different pupils. He frowned at himself.

Food first, dealing with supposed brain damage later. He felt not better but a little bit less bad. He knew what to do now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Especially if you want to see the next chapters, because this is my first work here and I am extremely self-conscious. Is this interesting to read? Hermann will get to work eventually and find Newt... There are gonna be OCs, AIs and Kaiju hivemind.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermann stopped at the lab entrance, leaning on the doorframe. He hesitated before limping into the dark room. Panic spiked inside him when he had not noticed the drifting pod at first. But it was there, at the wall on Newt’s side of the lab, covered with silver tarp. Hermann turned on the lights, removed the tarp and stared at the machine. He ran his fingers on its parts. Doctor sighed at the rough design but his mind was beaming with pride for this creation. He straightened himself, shaking off the alien feeling, and located hard drives inside the machine. Pulling them out was not easy and Gottlieb swore under his breath trying to be as cautious as was physically possible. They were the most valuable things in the lab now. In the whole world, probably. For Hermann - certainly.

Gottlieb marched to his side of the lab. He put his treasure on the table with a slight metal clank and wiped cold sweat from his forehead. Hermann felt excitement rising inside. Mixing with grief and guilt it instantly intoxicated him and a mad grin touched his lips for a moment. He fell heavily into a chair. Computer started with a warming wheeze in the silence of the lab. Hermann tilted his head, listening to the sounds. He could almost hear beats of music and Newt’s voice, but they faded when he focused on a screen.

A few encrypted copies of hard drives were now secured on available servers in different corners of the world. Hermann's hands were trembling and he shivered from sudden realization that he was dealing with bits of information that were his only external aid in bringing Newton back.

He closed his eyes and breathed out. Bringing Newton back. He frowned at himself internally and swore. This is insane. His thoughts rushed to the images from the funeral. Surprisingly, Geiszler did not have any special arrangements for his death and his family requested his body to be buried in the States. Less than 10 people attended. Hermann met his colleague’s devastated loving family, who knew about him before he contacted them for the first time for funeral details. Newt’s parents were heartbroken by the death of their child. His sister, Marie, seemed to be in denial of the fact that her brother was not alive any more. She was smiling softly when Hermann spoke to her, nodding and shaking his hand absently. They waited till the grave was filled with wet soil. Hermann bought red carnations for this, even number. It had to be symbolic, it was his only way to speak to God. Newton was buried with his flesh and bones and his tattooed skin and green eyes. Geiszler outstretched his hand to Hermann’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. 'I am gone, dude.'

Hermann bit his lip angrily and stroke his hand on the table with a sudden blast shattering what was left of grim daydreaming. A few books fell from the corner of his table with a loud thud. That was simply unacceptable. He was sure he could talk to Newton again. His memories were accessible through the drift, Gottlieb’s own mind carried Newton’s consciousness. He was certain of it. He would dream of things he had never dreamt of, he would know what he had never known before. But most importantly, he would hear Newton inside his head, commenting and judging and arguing with him. This was far beyond the definition of ghost drifting, this was real-time processing of external information through intelligence separate from his. That was not enough to pronounce Newton alive, of course.

Hermann's brain showed unprecedented activity on a scan. The neural connections were so extreme that the doctor who was in charge for his check up said he did not know what to do. Hermann did not expect anything else. He was sure his brain beared the duty for maintaining two exceptional minds simultaneously. No vanity implied, Hermann might have been talented in his field. But Newton was a raging genius. Gottlieb consulted a few neuroscientists and medical practitioners for the relevant medication. He could not afford meddling with his brain because it carried the key to Newt’s consciousness. They struggled with finding a balance between preservation of the same level of brain activity and dealing with physical damage. Hermann slightly despised the idea that he should care for himself and be more careful with his health from then on. Before, he had been picky about his food and lifestyle because of a set of principles he mostly constructed himself. Although now he could not had cared less without his lab partner sharing most of his waking hours. When did he start thinking of his life as divided to ‘before’ and ‘after’? He had to consider adding more dividers with other events holding the same amount of significance then. First, actually meeting his lab partner. Second, getting divorce. Third, and probably the most justified of all, closing the breach. But humans possess a strange ability to fall into patterns of erroneous reasoning. Hermann, for example, would have picked all the wrong dividers of his life. He slipped down the dangerous road more than once. His mind, at least the part that still belonged to him, was stained with explored ideas of suicide. Hermann had a goal now, though. It was more important than his life but he was the only able actor to achieve this goal. Therefore, he promised himself to stop considerations of ending his life. At least until he succeeds.

Hermann returned to the base after his brief travel to the USA for the funeral and medical check-up. He wanted to get to work as soon as he could. Once again PPDC was praised for its achievements in, for one thing, saving the world. International support was reestablished. Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon were being rebuilt from scraps, just in case. PPDC was steadily turning into a peaceful organization, a base for tighter links between states and further unification. The world was taking a deep breath before turning back to its old pre-Kaiju routine. But with PPDC activism and the apocalypse averted, maybe the world did not have to be the same again.

Hermann spoke with Marshall Hansen who was in charge of the whole organization now. Herc acted as a friend, he gave his condolences and agreed to whatever Hermann thought was better for him. Hansen was never too close to scientific part of the PPDC programme and he seemed to care more about what than about how. Nevertheless he had a firm assurance that they would have never closed the breach had they not listened to the two mad scientists at their disposal. Whatever Hermann said, Herc would nod in agreement and approval. Hermann could not help marvelling at the man. His new role of a peacemaker confused him but Herc was acquiring the right skills and gathering the right people  around him fast enough. He was rebuilding more than the crashed Jaegers, he was rebuilding the world.

Now Hermann had to do the same. Doctor Gottlieb was the only active member of the PPDC science department. He decided to relocate it away from Shatterdome and closer to civilization. Hermann chose London because it seemed to have the best neuroscientists at that moment. And he needed them. He also needed past members of PPDC who had worked on the drift programme. Now that he had resources he requested them to come to the newly established institute for drift technology.

Giving in to the flourishing Russel Group with very convincing propositions of its grants and research facilities, Hermann agreed to a teaching position at the Imperial College. ‘Scientia imperii decus et tutamen’ and they still believed that, apparently. He was surprised at how much he did not know about the current state of scientific research outside of his and Newton’s lab at PPDC. They lived in a bubble created by the web of imminent danger of the ending world and kaiju attacks for years. But life outside of the bubble had not stopped. There were people who could not imagine their lives without science even in the face of humanity elimination. Some - especially due to this. Despite the general decrease in funding of universities, they stayed as they always were - the pillars of common sense and cauldrons of new ideas. Hermann was stunned by the amount of people who wanted to talk to him about his work, he had to decline dozens of meetings on a daily basis. The Imperial College already obliged him to convene a short series of lectures on his research in PPDC and his vision for future of the new institute, and he did not want to waste time on publicity more than necessary.

The Institute of drift technology was his creation. He pulled every string he could grope in the academia and outside. He even contacted his father. People quirked their eyebrows at the renown mathematician in disbelief then with astonishment when he spoke to them about neuroscience. Actually, Hermann surprised himself, too. He found out that his knowledge had vastly widened by six only slightly interrelated degrees. ‘Turned out to be pretty useful, right? An’ you used to mock me 'bout that for, like, forever!’ Newt sat on the desk in Hermann’s new office, idly shaking his leg and chewing a candy. Gottlieb was cautiously planning the next steps in building his scientific empire, when gentle knocks on the door distracted him. Newton rolled his eyes. 'They are not gonna let you work, man. You have to do something, like get a cerber chained at the door for a start.' Hermann waved his hand in the air dismissively and got up to open the door.

Mako pierced him with her dark eyes. She had changed since Hermann saw her last at the Shatterdome. Mako came to check on him a few times before she drowned in the mess of consequences of being a war hero and humanity saver. Doctor saw her occasionally in the news and regretted that they had not spoken properly after the breach was closed. To be fair, he was in no condition to talk to anybody after Newton had passed away. The woman in front of him finally smiled and put a hand forward for a shake. Hermann felt a firm push to his back, stumbled and pressed to her body momentarily in an awkward hug. Mako laughed, confused. She looked him in the eye with evident curiosity, as if searching for somebody else’s traits.

‘Doctor Gottlieb, I came to speak with you about something very important. As I understand, it is important for both of us.’

Hermann raised an eyebrow and invited her in.

‘Please, Miss Mori. What do you have in mind?’

‘I know what you are trying to do here. I have heard your interview and… I saw you after Newton...’ She darted her eyes away and thinned her lips, leaving the sentence unfinished.

Newt grinned and nodded with enthusiasm. ‘She is the smartest girl, Herm. She rocks.’

Hermann sighed soundlessly, aware of her delicacy.

‘I intend to continue developing drift technologies.’ He said cautiously, afraid of what she would say to him next.

‘I… I haven’t come here to judge you or talk you out of it, Doctor Gottlieb. On the contrary, I would like to help. Marshall said that I can find him in the drift. And, I think you understand, this is what I want to do most of all. If you need anything, Doctor Gottlieb, I will do everything I can. I would also like to suggest you experiment on me.’

Hermann examined her. Mako seemed much older, her eyes straight with purpose and decisiveness. Hermann blinked and his mind automatically merged memories about Mako from both his and Newt’s perspectives. He dealt with it immediately drawing a line between their memories. He was careful about separation of their consciousnesses which was harder and harder to maintain, especially when he used Newton’s expertise in biology and medicine as his own.

‘I understand, Miss Mori. Thank you. I will consider your suggestions.’

They sat in silence for a while before Mako’s curiosity took over.

‘Doctor Gottlieb, do you think you can do that? I mean - do you think it is possible at all? I know that Marshall said it metaphorically, in 'chasing a rabbit' way. But you have mentioned the preservation of human mind....'

Hermann could see the little girl in her again, asking endless questions, listening to him attentively, pinching his weird tattoos with her tiny fingers.

‘Yes. I think it is possible. Miss Mori -’

‘Call me Mako, please.’ She leaned forward a bit.

‘- Mako, I gathered all data that has been ever generated in the drifting programme, including the last drift of Striker. I can’t promise it will work but I will - I have to try.’

He closed his eyes. It was a relief to talk to somebody about this openly. And he could trust her, Newton trusted her with ridiculous amount of personal information. They were friends.

‘I drifted with Newton and that Kaiju. Newton had modified the drifting programme to be able to drift with an alien brain, diminishing the safety systems which separate two minds in a Jaeger drift. I think he had never considered what consequences this would trigger if another human drifted with that programme at the same time. And yet we did it. Now I have him in my brain. He is alive there. I do not want to mislead you, Mako, I am unsure if that will work the same way with Marshall Pentecost.’

She looked outside through the large window glass at the sky holding the rain in its dark clouds.

‘I understand. But, as you have said yourself, I have to try.’

She smiled at him.

‘That might take years.’ Hermann felt his mouth dry.

‘I know. I will wait. I think it is worth waiting.’

He nodded.

‘I think it is.’

Mako left for the airport right after that, pressured by her duties. Hermann thanked her for coming and he could not really thank her enough. Mako reassured him and gave him the strength which he might had never accumulated on his own. She trusted him with something important. But even more than that, she understood him.

 

Hermann stared at the shadows looming on the ceiling. He was thinking about the events of the day, relaxing his mind tentatively.

‘You did right today, Herm.’ Newton stretched beside him on the bed. ‘Telling her all that and agreeing to help her.’ Newton snuggled down and pressed his nose to Hermann’s neck. ‘Just… be careful, ok? I like her a lot.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Colledge motto, 'Scientia imperii decus et tutamen', means 'Knowledge is the adornment and protection of the Empire'.
> 
> \---  
> Please comment. It is important for me to know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

'... but it is merely information about a person. It does not constitute the intellect per se. Not without the ability to process new information and gain experience. Despite the complexity of such system, it is still not enough as these processes should constitute a unified whole. If the system is able to split into parts and still show the aforementioned characteristics, it would be necessary to agree that each of the new parts constitute a separate intellect. Therefore we come again to the integrated information theory, which helps clean the system of unimportant considerations and put it into a pure mathematical model. Another set of questions lie in the unconscious part of human brain functions like motor control. Shall I consider these functions at this stage? Should I include them in my model? And if…’

‘Dr. Gottlieb?’

Hermann jerked his hand, snapping a piece of chalk against blackboard. He turned to face confused students in the auditorium.

‘Dr. Gottlieb?’ A girl at the front repeated. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Yes, indeed. Where were we?’

‘You stopped at the ‘barcode’ reading of Kaiju DNA in the throat of the Breach...’

‘Of course...’

Hermann glanced at Newton. His colleague was shaking his head, leaning on the wall.

‘You don’t look that well, Herms. You’re trying to multitask and it’s not really working. Look at ‘em, they want to learn from you.’ Newton smiled reassuringly.

‘But it’s such a waste of time!’ Hermann grumbled and bit his lip, surprised that he gave in to his old patterns of bickery with Newton.

The lecture hall spinned. Gottlieb tried to grab the corner of the rostrum but missed slightly and landed on the floor. Sharpness of pain in the leg made his eyes water, and he just sat there, unable to raise himself. The girl from the first row was the first to help as if she was ready to jump up and run to him from the moment he blacked out and stopped talking.

Hermann stood up with her assistance and gripped the rostrum till his knuckles went white. He put the other hand over his eyes and sighed deeply.

‘Dismissed,’ he said quietly and his voice fell over the breathless group of students.

They left without a single word and he only heard hushed whispers in the corridor. Hermann let his hand slide to his side and massaged the aching hip, letring out a light moan. Someone cleared her throat beside him. He opened his eyes and looked at the girl. She smiled at him nervously.

‘Professor?’

Hermann examined her for a minute. She had thick glasses with a small computer display in the corner and a chunk of her hair was neatly placed over the other side of her face, hiding a large scar from what seemed to be a chemical burn.

‘Dr. Gottlieb, Brauchen Sie Hilfe?’

He glanced over her shoulder at Newton, who met his eye and nodded, looking worried.

‘I can’t help you, man. I’m kinda... dead? So, she is of better use due to her physical form, no professor-student harassment implied, though.’ Newt put hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans, grinning.

Hermann sighed.

‘Speak English. You can walk me to the lab.’

The girl helped him gather his things and put his bag over her shoulder. He fetched his cane, fighting helplessness and exhaustion.

‘You were thinking about your current research?’ She walked beside him, trying not to show her readiness to catch him if he fell.

‘Yes, indeed.’ Hermann’s mind started racing again.

‘I am sorry that you feel that teaching us is a waste of time, Dr. Gottlieb. I enjoy your lectures.’

Hermann concentrated on walking, feeling dizzy.

‘I should not have said that.’ He did not have enough energy to be considerate and decided long ago that being honest is the only way he could avoid future complications. ‘I do not enjoy reading the lectures about the Breach. Despite being a waste of time, they make me go back to the memories of… war.’

He heard a ‘tsk’ from Newton, who slouched behind them. The girl smiled at him with polite empathy.

‘So why have you decided to continue working on the drift technology?’

Hermann stopped and raised an eyebrow. That was a question too personal for him.

‘How could I possibly let go of it while there is an unresolved potential?’

‘For AI?’

‘Yes.’ They walked across the street to the new shining building, one wing still under construction. ‘And much more.’

‘More? I know you will have a robotech department in the institute, too.’

‘Are you interested?’

‘Yes, of course! But - it’s not the reason I helped you. I mean...’ Her ears turned red.

Hermann smiled.

‘I can arrange that. When I think that you are taking my course because you are one of the best students here and have gone through severe competition, I am right, am I not?’ He waited for her to nod. ‘What is your name and exact research interest?’

‘Pauline Bergsten, I would like to work on the artificial muscle responsiveness to brain control, including sensitivity signals through drift back to human brain. I would be honored.’

‘Miss Bergsten, how do you feel about starting next week? I could give you 60 credits research project, but that is the maximum for your degree before you can come to continue with full-time research or, if you wish, PhD.’

Pauline beamed with happiness.

‘Drop by my office later this week with research proposal and I will arrange the necessary paperwork.’

‘Thank you, Dr. Gottlieb.’

They stopped at the door.

‘See you soon, Miss Bergsten.’ He took his bag from Pauline and stepped into the office.

‘Wow that was neat, Herms.’

Hermann limped to his desk and sat down.

‘Real smooth, man.’

‘Stop it,’ Hermann breathed out.

‘What? Are you talking to me now? After months of ignoring me? And I thought I was going crazy here!’

Hermann laughed bitterly.

‘Newton, if someone is insane between us, that is me.’ He stopped and shook his head. ‘I can’t believe I have just said that.’

‘Yeah, dude. Come on, you are not crazy. That is, like, a bad idea to think that you are crazy. You gotta trust yourself even when everything around you is falling apart. That helped me get through a lot back in the days.’

‘Thank you for advice.’ Hermann sighed and closed his eyes. ‘I do not think that talking to a dead colleague falls into the definition of sanity.’

‘Not conventionally, no. But consider this: no one before you drifted without safety systems - or, well, stayed alive after that. Damn, I didn’t mean to… Erm… hint on my own death? Also - sorry, for the safety systems... and... Anyway, Herms, you gotta believe me when I say that you are sane. I am an expert at that, alright? And about that thing that you are trying to pull here, that ‘bringing Newt back to life’ business -’

Hermann decided he did not need to breath for a moment and felt his stomach twist with sudden panic.

‘- it’s awesome, dude! I mean, I guess I do not really have a say here since you are the one to decide what to do with all that’s left of me. But I… Oh, Herms, I don’t know what to say. It’s just brilliant. It’s the best thing anyone can do to anyone, I think? Like, not in a romantic way, but in any possible way ever.’

Hermann opened his eyes to look at Newton. The man stood at the shelf and touched spines of books distractedly.

‘I really appreciate it, dude.’ He said slowly, his voice dropped in tone.

‘Newton?’

His colleague turned to face him, green eyes behind the glasses softly gleaming with gratitude.

‘Mm?’

Hermann swallowed a lump in his throat.

‘I miss you.’

‘Dr. Gottlieb, can I come in?’ A woman in a strict brown suit peeped into his office.

‘Sure. Good afternoon, Mrs. Gast. How can I help you?’

Hermann stood up, leaning on his cane heavily and shook a hand of the head of the Imperial College. He was surprised to see her so soon after they had met upon his arrival.

‘I have heard you had some difficulties during today’s lecture. Are you doing alright?’

Sitting down again, Hermann thinned his lips.

‘I might have overestimated my multitasking abilities. This will not happen again, I can assure you.’

‘Yes, this is what I have come here to talk to you about, actually. I would like you to hire a secretary. Our HR will contact you on this shortly.’ She obviously did not like to waste her time on sheer polite talk. ‘Also, what departments do you want to have in this institute? I do not want to intrude, but I am supposed to be supervising it from the Russell Group side and I have not heard about it from you yet.’

‘Yes, sorry. I am still working on the structure and invitations. So far I have managed to get a team for robotechnics, mainly engineers from Mr. Choi’s recommendations from the J-Tech department from PPDC with a few new specialists in bioengineering. I would also like to have a team working on improvements for Jaeger operating systems, I have contacted a few persons from Russia, and two Chinese researchers who worked in the programme since the early Linux-Nettix OS for Mark-1 Horizon Brave.’ Hermann took a quick note on the touch screen before continuing. ‘As you know, I am obliged to have a weaponry department, and I am bringing back previous members from K-Science for that, including Kaiju specialists from Japan and Australia.’ He waited for Mrs. Gast to nod. ‘Another lab will focus on the Anteverse and the Breach itself. And, finally, I will lead the lab for drift technology advancement.’

Mrs. Gast smiled at him.

‘You are a brilliant man, Dr. Gottlieb. We are lucky to have you here.’

Hermann was getting used to flattery after years of being mocked by his lab partner on a daily basis.

‘Mrs. Gast, I have a favor to ask. Can I get the UCL Neuroscience Domain for consulting?’

‘I am sure we can arrange it. Anyway, the whole Imperial College is at your disposal for now, I hope you will find our staff helpful as well.’

‘Thank you. I will prepare the report by the end of next week with the final version of the institute structure and staff.’

‘Take your time. I don’t want you to feel pressured. There is no rush now and we can finally breath free from the Kaiju attacks thanks to you.’

Smiling politely, he glanced at Newton, who seemed to be listening to their conversation with pensive attention.

They shook hands again and Mrs. Gast left.

The secretary allocated to him by HR turned out to be a middle-aged woman, quite pleasant and overly friendly towards her boss. Hermann marvelled at her smoothly taking over his correspondence and paperwork. Agnessa had previous experience working for professors and that was a definite promotion for her. She made the best tea, too. And even if she heard Hermann talk to himself alone in the office, she never mentioned it.

Doctor met his team one by one as they arrived. He greeted everybody who came to the Institute in person, but his own lab members were the ones he expected the most. Hermann even felt nervous tingling inside as he introduced himself to new people or caught up with those, whom he knew before.

Overall, he had seven people in his lab, including himself. Aparajita Sinha was the first to come, because she stayed in London after finishing her PhD as she hit her third decade earlier that year. A tiny Indian woman, she was eager to give every bit of knowledge she accumulated. Andrea Moscoso from Chili was almost the same age, so they instantly got along. Anton and Olga Mozgov from Russia arrived with Ryo Sagashita from Japan, three of them worked for PPDC in different Shatterdomes but were not relocated to Hong Kong with Hermann and Newton. The last acquisition was Trevor Heatley from UCL. Despite being a decade older than Hermann, he radiated with respect towards those who worked on the Jaeger programmes. Unfortunately, Hermann only got him for occasional expertise and consultations, but Trevor reassured him that not only he, but his whole inter-departmental Neuroscience Domain at UCL was available for outsourcing.

‘This is gonna be interesting, isn’t it?’ Newton leaned over Hermann’s shoulder to look at the screen.

Hermann grumbled, shaking him off, but Newt misinterpreted the motion and put his hands on the man’s neck, gently massaging it.

‘I don’t think it really helps, but, man, placebo effect, right?’

Newton’s hands were soothing, warm on his skin. Hermann shut his eyes, settling back. His colleague had rarely touched him before drift without definite purpose but Hermann welcomed this new arrangement. Fuzzy drowsiness washed over Hermann in waves, Newt started humming some familiar song like a lullaby. Pleasant sunlit images of Newton’s childhood filled Gottlieb’s mind and he relaxed. One drop on his skin, Hermann blinked with his eyes closed. He felt another drop on a cheekbone and reluctantly looked up. Newt’s pale face was above him, blood dripping from his nose. Hermann jolted himself out of sleep, his neck stiff and hurting. He looked around the empty room and squinted at the bright artificial light. His fingers were slick with blood when he touched his face. He rose and limped to the bathroom. After cleaning himself and making sure the blood stopped, he put on his jacket and old parka and set off to the lab dismissing the sleep for the night.

The building looked too fresh and unused, it gave the sense of early abandonment. Hermann thought how it would change with time when more people come to work there. He spotted dim lights in his lab and tried to remember whether he could have had left a working lamp on his table. He opened the door with a card and climbed the stairs, skipping the elevator. The door to the lab was cracked open and a box on the floor stopped it from shutting. Hermann raised an eyebrow: that was definitely suspicious. He came into the lab. Something made sudden shuffling noises and there was silence again.

'Who is here?' Hermann called out, feeling the wall for the lights switch.

A guy in a dark hoodie stood up from behind the table when it became obviously ridiculous to hide in the well-lit laboratory.

'Who are you?'

The guy had a messenger bag over his shoulder, his hair was a mess as well as his face, but he did not give an impression of a homeless person.

'This is PPDC property and you have to leave or I will call the police.'

The guy stepped forward, looking at the man before him.

'Are you... Dr. Hermann Gottlieb by any chance?'

'Yes I am.' Hermann squinted trying to recognize the person.

'You don't know me, Dr. Gottlieb, but I am a great fan of your work, and Dr. Geiszler's work, of course.'

'Of course.' Hermann seemed at a loss. 'So, who are you?'

'Gabriel Schneider, you can call me Gab.' He extended his hand for a shake.

Hermann would not give the boy full twenty years, he looked all over the place like a high school student who hit puberty and did not know how to shave.

'How old are you?' Hermann shook his hand despite reason.

'I'm 22. Big fan,' Gab repeated, darting his eyes to the side.

Hermann followed his glance and let out a short frustrated sigh. The drifting pons which was delivered from Hong Kong the other day was uncovered.

'You have one sentence to explain why you are here.' Hermann hissed.

'Wow, wait - I mean, yeah, I should explain...' He caught Hermann's eye and tugged at his hair desperately. 'I am from MIT and I have found something on our server, like some sort of personal info, although not exactly, and it looked like drifting data and it had lots of references to Newton Geiszler, again - big fan, and I figured I should come here to talk to the owner of the file and, apparently, Newton’s coworker because as far as I understand it, he, I mean you are trying to recreate his personality, am I right? So here I am.'

'Doctor Newton Geiszler.'

Gabriel smiled carefully, baring his teeth.

'That data was on Dr. Geiszler's personal server. Moreover, encrypted and highly classified.'

'Busted.' Gab smiled harder. 'Look, I just wanted to participate? It looks like fun.' He pointed to the pons.

Hermann furrowed his brows, feeling anger boiling inside him.

'Fun?! This is a breach of security and privacy, possible attempt of theft and, I am quite certain, some sort of treason.'

'No way.' Gab breathed out. 'Shit. Do I have to run? Newton said you are a cool man.'

That made Hermann stutter, all of anger gone in a moment.

'N-Newton said? When did you talk to him?'

'Erm, a day ago?'

Hermann had to sit down, he felt so tired. He marched to the nearest desk and pulled out a chair for himself.

'Explain.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turned out to be longer than expected. But I hope you liked it.
> 
> Integrated information theory (IIT) is a real bad-ass thing in AI field, go read about it.
> 
> 'Brauchen Sie Hilfe?' translates (hopefully) as 'Do you need help?'
> 
> UCL Neuroscience Domain is yet another real and cool thing, it brings together professionals from different departments who conduct researches on brain and its functions. 
> 
> I am tremendously sorry if I accidentally used your name as a name of the character, I did not intend to associate my characters with any real persons.
> 
>  
> 
> As always, I will appreciate critique and other comments. If you are interested in beta-ing this, please drop a message.


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel relaxed a bit, seeing Hermann sit down at the table.

‘As I’ve said I found drifting data on our MIT server and decrypted it because I kinda found out that I knew how to break the code for it and and it was fun, took me about five hours. And then I have found patterns and I have been studying your drifting programmes in the past months so I kinda realised it is the drifting data. So, I wrote some algorithms to structure it and I tested it and tested it for days. First I would get some incoherent stuff like bits of sentences, sounds and images crammed together, but I [RE-ed](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverse_engineering) the interface from the latest Pony-Pony Monsters 3 - it’s ah, a game? - so I could make some sense of the outcoming data.’

He stopped to breath and shivered, looking as if he would go into panic attack any moment. Hermann made an effort to stop reruns of gaming sessions with Mako in his head. Her laughter vibrated through his mind. Newton was not any less loud, or any less happy. Unrelated topics aside, using that particular interface was actually a brilliant idea.

‘Continue.’

Gabriel took several measured breaths.

‘Right, yeah. So, a few days ago I rewrote the algorithm again and it worked. I would still get some unintelligible stuff but in general it seemed to be like you could talk to someone and receive some pretty good responses. I mean, like with all those [AIs they put up online to chat](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chatterbot) with you when you are lonely and stuff. But it was like, whoah, like more like with real person, you know. And then, then he introduced himself and I - I -’

Gabriel started suffocating, his lungs deceiving him. Hermann was quite prepared for that already and he got up before the boy collapsed on the floor. He helped him get an inhaler out and use it. Gabriel was grabbing Hermann’s arms with his cold fingers, his orientation obviously compromised. Gottlieb guided Gabriel to sit down and leaned on the table himself, observing the boy getting himself together.

‘Does this happen a lot?’

‘This? Yeah, yeah, it happens. That’s why I carry this on me.’ He shook his inhaler and put it back in the hoodie pocket, fighting tremor.

‘So, you ‘spoke’ to Dr. Geiszler?’

‘Well, yeah, kinda… It was not like he was real... just bits of information and I thought... that maybe if I,’ he still breathed laboriously, ‘drifted with this… I could maybe...’.

Hermann’s mind flared with a sudden recognition. He would have done that himself a long time ago if he was not afraid. Or rather, if he thought that he would survive drifting solo with a machine using the Jaegers programmes. He could not risk it.

‘What gave you the idea that your drifting could get any results?’

Gabriel looked at Hermann, shocked at the steel notes in the man’s voice.

‘I… don’t know? Newt - Dr. Geiszler said it was a reasonable idea and I thought it was worth the try.’

Hermann would need to use this boy to build a system responsive enough for his brain to transfer information from the first drift. Gabriel was also capable of working on the AI algorithms which would eventually become Newton’s consciousness.

‘And that is why you came all the way here? To find this Pons?’

‘Yeah, sorta. I mean I wanted to talk to you, too. Because you are Newton’s... partner? Lab partner? I mean, I kinda believed it when they wrote that you were like ‘together’ together, ‘cause c’mon I totally wouldn’t mind, but ah…’ He caught Hermann’s eye and whispered. ‘I am sorry.’

‘No, it was nothing like that.’ Hermann could not bring himself to say anything else, feeling his eyes suddenly watering despite his will. ‘Why come here at night?’

‘I didn’t want to waste time? Also, I got nowhere else to go, so...’

Gabriel shrugged. Hermann looked down at the boy sitting on the chair, crouched and miserable. He only then noticed that Gabriel’s whole body was screaming exhaustion. The boy was trembling a little and jumped when Hermann put a hand on his shoulder.

‘Gabriel, you have to rest and it is absolutely impossible for you to stay here. My place is close, would you be able to walk for 10 minutes?’

Gabriel looked at Hermann like a lost soul at an angel and nodded.

‘I am also hungry.’

Hermann sighed and picked his cane.

‘Come on then.’

They sat at the table in a small kitchen, and Gabriel was talking about galloping through school and how he got into physics at MIT for a few months but there was so much theoretical maths at first and it was

‘sooo boring. But I have picked up coding recently while analysing your drifting programmes and made a detour to encryption last month and I think that’s what helped me with Newton’s drifting data decryption? It all kind of clicked at one point. But I still love neuroscience, it’s my one true love. Although bioengineering would be my occasional lover? Like a friend with benefits?’

Hermann listened to Gabriel’s erratic mumbling and watched him eat a sandwich hungrily, trying to chew fast enough to spill more of his life story as if he had never been asked to tell it before. But being so young and bright, he must have had a lot of attention. Getting to MIT and graduating with BSc in neuroscience and bioengineering in two years time before reaching the UK drinking age is an achievement to be praised. Hermann felt uneasiness in his stomach, strolling through the familiar halls at MIT in his blue-hazed memories even though he had never been there.

‘So then I graduated and got offers for research projects and Masters from, like, every university ever. And I have started Masters in Cambridge but I couldn’t do it, it was kinda boring, then I went to Harvard but they just suffocated me, you know. Those snobs. So they’ve kicked me out by now probably, I haven’t really cared much to notify them. I went back to MIT and they gave me some sort of a research assistant position and it was cool because I could do whatever I wanted.’

‘You wasted a lot of time.’ Hermann noticed, while Gabriel stopped to chew and swallow the last bit.

‘Yeah, well... Sorry.’ Gabriel wiggled his bare toes, looking down and biting his lip.

Hermann watched him, perplexed. Gabriel undeniably reminded him of Newton. But this boy was much younger, and Hermann could not fully remember Newton from the first years of their work together. His Newton would always stay a 34 years old sleep-deprived man with an enormous amount of pride and confidence in his thoughts and deeds. Gabriel was not an overachiever like Newton with his six degrees. Au contraire, he did not seem to care much about social recognition. The boy probably lacked self-esteem or someone who would nurture and tame his curiosity.

‘What about your family?’

‘Dad died of Kaiju Blue in San-Fran, he was in the emergency medical force. I have a younger sister, she is with my uncle now in New York.’ Gabriel said that flatly, stating the facts; he finished an orange juice and wiped his mouth with the back of his palm. ‘And that’s it.’

They sat in silence. Hermann let himself wander in the alien memories of life in America, meddle with the work at the lab at MIT, see the news about San Francisco in the tweets on his mobile phone and see the same news coverage on his computer at TU in Berlin. He looked around cautiously, checking if he had triggered his brain to project Newton to the outside world.

‘Alright now.’ Hermann raised himself.

He went to the living room and rearranged pillows on the couch to distract himself and spoke again when Gabriel followed him out of the kitchen, yawning.

‘I can get you a towel, if you would like to have a shower.’

‘That would be very nice of you, Dr. Gottlieb.’

The room was already lit with dim morning light from the window. When Hermann came back from his bedroom with a clean towel and sheets, Gabriel was rummaging in his bag. He pulled out a t-shirt and got up from the floor, straightening his bare shoulders. He was very thin without the baggy hoodie hiding his shoulder blades, old jeans seemed to be falling from his hips. Hermann rolled his eyes, noticing a large tattoo of Kaiju gripping boy’s arm.

Gabriel’s mouth quirked.

‘They called me Gabzler at the uni.’

‘Oh man, this is sweet!’ Newt said right into Hermann’s ear, nodding at the tattoo.

The man breathed out with such force that Gabriel froze in confusion with a t-shirt squeezed in his hand.

‘Also - Gabzler!’ Newton giggled.

‘I am sorry, Dr. Gottlieb,’ Gabriel stepped closer, ‘Does it hurt when I mention him?’

A real skin-to-skin touch brought Hermann back from his trance. Gabriel was caressing Hermann’s arm, looking him in the eye with a slight sympathetic smile on his lips.

‘Wow, wait, what!’ Newton stepped forward from behind Hermann’s back and looked at Gabriel. ‘Is he making a move on you? He’s, like, definitely making a move on you, dude.’ Newton waved his hands in amusement. ‘Youth these days, huh?’ He stopped talking, biting his lip nervously. ‘Can I go now? I don’t want to see that, I think?’

‘No.’ Hermann shook Gabriel’s hand off and looked at Newt.

Gabriel glanced at the wall as well before turning back to Hermann.

‘Right. I am… Sorry?’

‘It’s alright.’ Hermann put on the best smile he could muster and gave Gabriel the towel. ‘You do remind me of him.’

‘Oh, shit, dude. He actually does give the same vibes, doesn’t he?’ Newt chuckled, folding his arms and examining Gabriel, who turned and retired to the bathroom with shame written all over his back. ‘Isn’t he too young for you, though? I mean, Herms, you are an old pickle.’ Newt was still mocking him, following Hermann to his bedroom.

The man shut the door and sighed heavily, leaning back.

‘Newton...’

‘Yeah?’

‘You are insufferable. I hate you so much.’

‘Hate me? Wait, so why choose a ghost over that so-not-dead boy who is surprisingly attracted to you for some reason? He is also kinda like my younger version? Eh, from parallel universe? [Like deadpool](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadpool#Deadpool_Kills_Deadpool). I could totally be deadp… Oh, dude, don’t, please… Why? No, don’t, I mean… Oh, shit.’ Newton touched Hermann’s face, wiping tears from his cheek without much success. ‘C’mon, Herms, stop it.’

‘I hate you, hate you, hate you.’

Newt interrupted Hermann’s mantra with a gentle brush of his fingers on the man’s lips.

‘I am impossible to hate,’ he whispered before kissing his partner.

‘You will work at my institute, starting today.’ Hermann said instead of ‘good morning’, waking Gabriel up.

‘Alright,’ Gabriel agreed with a blink of the eyes. ‘What am I going to work on?’

‘Preservation of consciousness with drift technologies.’

‘Cool.’ Gabriel stretched, sitting up on the coach. ‘What are we having for breakfast?’

‘Eggs.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to use links to explain stuff in the text. Hope it's alright. 
> 
> Also: kudos to those who notice reference to the song by Superconducting Supercolliders. And there is a kinda destiel-ish thingie.
> 
> Tell me what you think about the chaper, the whole work or, well, life in general.


	5. Chapter 5

'The fact that there is still no AI in the world infuriates me!' Andrea bumped her fist on the table.

'But we have it,' Ryo started cautiously, not being a fan of conversations involving any kind of fist-bumping. 'We have a Jaeger system which recognizes commands of pilots and it proved to respond to them without faults or major mistakes...'.

'What? Ryo, how do you even define AI?!'

'Oh, please stop,' Aparajita sighed, sitting down. 'We are not here to build an AI per se but to structure human consciousness for computer. Have you been briefed about our work? It's all about brain functions and I personally think that our understanding of consciousness is way too little to...'.

'Blablabla so we shouldn't even try?!'

'Andrea, I understand your passion, but could you not fight us? Also, show some respect to Aparajita, she might be limited by the quantum interpretation of consciousness, but aren't we all limited by some beliefs here?' Anton shrugged his broad shoulders, with a grin showing his big teeth.

'What are your limitations then, brother?' Olga smiled at him.

'For one, I tend to generalize.'

'For two, you are a master of changing subjects.' Andrea folded her hands.

'How is that a limitation?' Ryo frowned.

'Oh come on, we are still going to do it.'

'Do what?'

'Build an AI!'

'Once again, we are here to preserve consciousness.' Aparajita faced the screen of her computer.

'What's the difference?' Anton smirked and turned to look at the lab entrance.

Hermann walked in while Gab held the door for him. Doctor greeted his team and squeezed Gab's shoulder when he came closer.

'Here is our new member, Gabriel Schneider. He worked at MIT.' Hermann removed his hand, feeling a slight dissonance between his general principle to avoid physical contact and desire to nudge the boy.

'Call me Gab, please. Technically I still work for MIT...'

'I will deal with it shortly.' Hermann had a bad day for his leg and wanted to sit down as soon as possible. 'Please tell Schneider about our work here and allocate him a working place. He will in turn acquaint you with his research. Now if you will excuse me.'

Hermann limped out, pleased to hear that his team welcomed Gabriel and started with their introductions. Doctor brought himself to his office. First, he would deal with Gabriel's papers. He doubted he would have any problems with MIT about Schneider's relocation. Hermann was surprised to hear genuine disappointment of Gab's supervisor, who would not allow any discussions until he spoke to Gabriel himself and was reassured of his free will.

'You should understand, Doctor Gottlieb, that Gabriel is a... special case. If anything happens, anything at all, call me, please. He is always welcome to come back.' Gab's supervisor was much more concerned than Hermann had ever expected given the young man's lack of focused research.

'Sure, Doctor Welder. I doubt that I will have to disturb you with anything in future.'

Fighting someone for a prospect member of his institute was a newly acquired ability for Hermann and he was quite proud of himself for improving his social skills. It pumped his confidence and gave him a feeling of influence and power, which was, without doubt, pleasant.

Hermann spent the afternoon in the lab, listening to his team argue with each other, shaping their understanding of concepts and planning their work. Gabriel had already earned himself some sort of respect after he had shown them his algorithm. He did not demonstrate how it worked with real drifting information and used available online conversation-bots data because Hermann had asked him to keep Newton's information out of it for the time being. Gabriel abode without a word.

The team left after 6 pm. They have established a regime of a good night sleep and work from early morning between themselves. That was an alien concept for Hermann, who got used to working at night, sleeping when he wanted to sleep or when he permitted himself to leave his work for a while. He remembered Newton doing the same, so it only seemed natural. His work was his life, there was not really anything else to it. No regrets spending his time on what he loved to do most, though. Newton had none either, apparently. If he had to be honest with himself, Hermann loved working with his colleague from dusk till dawn, with a fragile silence in the lab interrupted by a murmur of music from Newton's headphones and squeaks of chalk on the blackboard. He missed it.

'Doctor Gottlieb?'

Hermann raised his head to look at Gabriel.

'Since everybody left, would you like to test my system?'

'We are still in shortage of computer capacity.'

'It should be fine, I'll use whatever we have here.'

Hermann nodded, cold feeling of anticipation creeping inside him.

'Here we go.' Gabriel was the fastest typist Hermann had ever seen in his life. He used an improved Dvorak keyboard layout with a flat super-sensory ergonomic input device but it was still impressive.

Hermann leaned forward and watched the code run in a separate window on screen. He stared at the blinking cursor in the command line.

Gabriel typed 'Hello'.

'Hi.' The system replied fast. 'How are you today?'

'I am fine. I have Dr. Gottlieb here.'

'Hello, Herm!'

Hermann cleared his throat.

'How do you know my name?' He typed.

'That's cold, Herm. I am Newton, your lab partner.'

'You are not.' His palms were sweating.

'I am!'

'You are dead.'

'No.'

'Are you alive then?'

'Maybe.'

'Holy shit.' Newton muffled slackly, bending over Hermann's shoulder. 'What the hell. This is weird. If that is me, then what am I, huh?'

'We can use the game interface, it recognizes your voice so you don’t have to type. But it is really confusing, all the distorted images and stuff. We could use the Pons...'

'No.' Hermann languidly breathed out.

'Why?'

'What we have now is most likely to damage a human brain. Mozgovs and I are working on the new drifting programme to enable solo drifting with the machine. You will help us integrate the interface of that game to attain the output of cyberspace-like reality. You will also have to rewrite the interface completely. Due to the difference of systems and... intellectual property rights.' Hermann sighed, scrubbing his chin.

'Sure, I can do that. I have already seen what Olga and Anton are doing, so it won't be a problem. It will take me some time, though.'

‘Good.' Hermann put his fingers on the keyboard with hesitation. 'Consciousness of one person exists on two different devices. Is it one consciousness or two?' He typed.

'What is it then really?' The system responded after some time.

'I don't think it can give you a response for that, Doctor Gottlieb.'

'Yeah, Herms, I don't think anyone can give you an answer for this.'

'What do you think?' Hermann asked into the air.

'I think they are two different consciousness...es?' Gabriel said. 'Because they could interact with each other and they have their characteristics as separate intelligent beings and they are able to exist without each other, so no co-dependence...'.

'He is darn smart, this boy. But Herms, this is not me,' Newton nodded at the screen. 'I mean you know that, but... Herms? Do you think I still exist?'

Hermann looked at him, feeling his heart skip a beat.  

'I think so. I am actually sure of it.' He stood up.

'Uh...' Gabriel watched him leave the lab, puzzled.

'Newton, I think you do exist. You are not my creation, you interact with me, you have your own opinions on everything and you react to the external information differently from me.'

'Yeah, that. It's either me or you are insane, Herms.' Newton leaned against the wall in Hermann's office and bit on his thumb.

Hermann sat down, put his head on the arms and closed his eyes.

'I have considered such possibility.'

'And?'

'I might be insane.'

Newton sighed.

'Have I told you that you have to trust yourself?'

'You have.'

'Please don't stop. Because, Herms, I think I will go nuts if you start thinking that you are in fact insane. Shit, this doesn't make it much better, does it? It's like being double crazy. Like having a dissociative identity disorder while your other persona thinks he is nuts himself and you know about it and you are sure you are a cuckoo as well. That's too complex, Herms. You are not crazy. I believe in you.'

Hermann smirked.

'I believe in you, too.'

'Aw, Herms! That might be the sweetest thing you have ever said to me, you know? How come you have never been so good to me before...?'

Hermann's face became a shade paler than it had already been.

'Newton, I...'

'No, sorry, man, I didn't mean that. We haven't been really good to each other. We weren’t bad, but, you know? Never too good? Like, like... Before... I wouldn't even dream of... Erm...'

'You do not have to explain or apologize, Newton.'

'Don't I? Don't I deserve an apology from you, though? If only you had said something, Herms... You must have... That night after we closed the Breach, I couldn't make myself stop...'

There was a knock on the door. Hermann groaned.

'Yes?'

Gabriel opened the door and peeped in.

'Doctor Gottlieb?’ The boy glanced around the office. ‘Should we go home?'

'Home? Right. I have applied for an apartment for you, but it will take them some time to find anything suitable in London.'

'I see...’ Gabriel came in and put his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. ‘Should I stay in the hotel then?'

'Nonsense. I do not wish to spend the institute budget on such things.'

'Seriously, dude?' Newton rolled his eyes.

Gabriel watched Hermann's every movement while he put his things back in perfect order and shrugged off his lab coat.

'Herms? I don't like him. There is no crime in leaving him out of your apartment, you know. He can sleep in the lab or something.'

Gottlieb's hummed and glanced at Newton before leaving the office.

Hermann blinked and realized he dozed off while reading recent publications in Neuroscience on a planchet. He struggled with his sore leg, rubbing it to get the senses back. Contemplating getting his robotech team to work on a prosthetic to replace his failing limb he got up with a strong desire for tea with milk. Trying not to wake up Gab, Hermann abandoned his cane and opened the door to the living room. It was lit by the bleak light from monitor of Gab’s laptop. Crouched on the floor in a ridiculous pose the boy was typing without noise into the black console window. He did not notice Hermann until the man sat down on the couch and put a cup of tea at Gab’s knee. Gabriel jumped in surprise and removed his headphones.

‘Shi- you scared me,’ he put a hand over his chest and massaged it a bit. ‘Thank you.’ Gabriel took the cup in his hands and sipped after squinting at the deceptively coffee-colored drink which smelled like tea. ‘Reminds me I gotta pee.’

The boy sprinted to the bathroom.

Hermann sighed and leaned back on the sofa, closing his eyes. He enjoyed this state of falling asleep, the illusion of rest while your brain was still working on whatever you commanded it to work. Best time to change your perspective on day’s problems.

Hermann felt Gabriel sit down beside him, but decided against opening his eyes. Gab slurped his tea disturbing the peace of the night. Hermann turned to look at him only when the sounds stopped. Gab sat with his legs crossed, laptop put on them. He typed with one hand, which did not seem to affect his speed much, and held the cup close to the parted lips. He let out a distressed sigh.

‘What are you working on?’ Hermann shifted.

‘Eh. I am rewriting the interface.’

‘You did not have to do this right away.’

‘I couldn’t sleep.’ Gab shrugged and sipped his tea without looking at Hermann. ‘I am sorry I used your computer.’

Gottlieb searched the room for his laptop with his eyes. It was on the journal table, lid closed but lights blinking.

‘It was password-protected.’

‘Mhm, your login is no longer an administrator. I needed more power.’

Hermann examined the boy. His face was lit by the monitor, which made his skin look artificially gray, drained from any life signs. His eyes reflected dozens of symbols of the code. The only colorful thing - tattooed Kaiju’s legs and tail - showed below the t-shirt sleeve and transformed into Hermann’s goosebumps. Gab scratched his arm as if sensing the man's gaze. He caught Gottlieb’s eyes on himself and smiled, putting his laptop down on the floor and sticking the charging cable into it.

‘It can now do some calculations on its own while I sleep.’

Hermann suddenly felt incredibly tired. He stood up laboriously and stumped to the kitchen. Gabriel followed him and Hermann took the cup from his hands to wash it.

‘Was he like that?’

Hermann twitched and clanked the porcelain on the metal edge of the sink.

‘Like what?’

‘Like… me?’

‘Gabriel, you are definitely not like Dr. Geiszler. For one, you are much calmer. He would not stop talking for a second if he knew he got somebody’s attention.’ Hermann moved to put clean cups on the shelf. ‘I do not understand your obsession with him.’ He bit his lip. ‘With his appearance, at least.’

Gabriel was silent for a moment.

‘It’s just that you are trying to bring him back. And you said that I remind you of him, so I thought… That he might have been like me. Or vice versa, actually. I might be like him. And I… people used to do that a lot - compare me with Dr. Geiszler - people at MIT who knew him. Well, our fields kinda coincided in parts, so it’s fair. To be honest, I used to cite his works maybe too much, so I am quite responsible for that as well. But Dr. Geiszler was my inspiration in many things. I never got the nerve to write him, so I missed out on knowing him personally...’

‘I am sure he would have loved it if you wrote him.’ Hermann remembered how Newton and he had started email correspondence before they actually met. Who was the first to write? He could not tell. It was probably not him.

‘Yeah, I wrote you, Herms.’ Newton yawned. ‘What the hell are you doing up?’

‘You think so?’

Hermann patted Gabriel on the shoulder.

‘If we succeed, you might have a chance to make an acquaintance with him.’ He headed to his bedroom. ‘Good night, Gabriel.’

Gabriel echoed him with a good night wish.

‘Also, I would not have loved it if he wrote me! Not at all! Yeah, well, maybe a little. Okay, at the time - maybe you are right. Ah! No! You made me say it!’ Newton stopped talking in bewilderment.

‘We need to sleep.’ Hermann put himself to bed again and turned off the lamp.

‘Myeah, I think you are… damn, why am I suddenly so prone to saying that you are right? That’s just wrong. But seriously, Herm, we haven’t finished our conversation from earlier, like, about that night...’

‘It can wait till tomorrow, Newton. Let me rest.’

‘Okay, yeah.’ Newt bent over and kissed Hermann. ‘Sweet dreams.’

And then he faded away as the man fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment. I am not even sure of my grammar anymore, let alone the content. 
> 
> I think everything was pretty self-explanatory here. I will explore the quantum interpretation of consiousness in later chapters, don't worry. Penrose and stuff...
> 
> Hope you like new characters. #characterswelcome ^^


	6. Chapter 6

Days were gathering into weeks and sticking together into a month and then gooing into another month and yet another one. Hermann was balancing his lectures, supervision of multiple PhD students, who seemed to have tendency for mitosis, with research in various institute departments and staying sane. He had troubles sleeping trying to manage everything and not sink into despair, although he could feel this disgusting thing grow inside him with every passing day. He was exhausted and snappy. As was his team. They still had no success with solo drifting interface, it was driving them restless and frustrated.

'We have tried everything! Everything!'

'I have told you we have to rewrite it again!'

'Anton! We have done that three times already! Three!'

'So what? We will do this again and again until it works.'

Gabriel tried to stop the fight between Russian siblings, who at least chose to speak in English this time.

'It is not exactly that it's not working, is it? It's about how dangerous it still is? We can use my interface to get access to the information of the drift. It might be less brain-trauma inducing.'

'Gab - just shut up.' Anton massaged his temples.

'Maybe we could... drift? You and me? And check whether it is even the right path...' Olga glanced at Anton.

'Well, we might be drift compatible...' He mused.

'Eh, guys? That's pretty crazy, but I like it.' Gab shook his leg, sitting on the table. 'We will have to convince Dr. Gottlieb, though.'

Aparajita stormed into the lab.

'Robotech department is amazing! They are testing these prostheses which recognize the brain signals perfectly and they are so close to real limbs...' She stopped, looking at her silent colleagues. 'What are you up to? I sense something evil here.'

'Nothing evil, Raj! We are thinking about _our_ research.'

'Well, you know my opinion on your recent ideas.'

'Yes, well, consciousness is way too complex to be a mathematical system. You have been saying the same damn thing since the first day.' Olga's voice grew colder. 'Why are you even here, Raj?'

'I am here because I was invited by Dr. Gottlieb to help with this research project.'

'Do you think you could maybe actually start doing that?'

'I...'

'No, stop it, Olya.' Anton stood up and started pacing the lab. 'Raj, let's say me and my sister plan to drift. What are the dangers?'

'Well... It depends. If you plan to start a fresh drift like they do in Jaegers, then there is a minimal level of brain trauma probability. I mean, if you are drift compatible,' she looked at the siblings. 'If you try to drift with the set of information from a previous drift of other pilots... Like you are trying to suggest, I presume... It may lead to complications. Plus, you will definitely have to lower the safety system, so I'd say mild to major disorders like confusion of personality or even split personalities... I really don't know.' She shrugged. 'Noone has done anything like that before.'

Gabriel bit his lip.

'And for solo drifting we have pretty much the same, right?'

'Yes, but I would suppose that the possibility of brain trauma is much bigger, based on what I could analyze from the earlier drifts. Also, I think... That you had little success with improving safety for solo drifting with a machine?'

'Yeah, Ryo and Dr. Gottlieb are working on that, but...'

'Isn't he working on everything? I mean Dr. Gottlieb? I have just talked to people from Robotech and he not only oversees all of what they are doing but he personally edits large amounts of their documentation.'

'That's impressive, but it's like he is not paying too much attention to this research, don't you think? It seems to be less important somehow.'

'Believe me, Olya, it's the most important department in the institute.' Gab jumped from the table and stretched his back. 'I mean we are working on the AI. Did you think it would be that easy? Let's run our algorithm again and see what new bugs we get today.' He grinned.

Olga and Anton shared a glance and nodded, unable to resist Gab's enthusiastic smile.

They started the programme and sat there watching the terminal lines run and flash with failures.

'Damn it,' Gab muttered under his breath. 'We do have new ones.'

'Yeah...' Anton leaned back in a chair.

'I wanna talk to Dr. Gottlieb, will you stay here?'

'Sure, good luck finding him,' Olga waived at Gab.

'Thanks.'

Olga was right. It was not an easy task anymore to find Dr. Gottlieb. Gab checked his office and, thankfully, his secretary knew where he was that time. Gab sprinted to the next building and climbed the stairs to the lecture hall. He tried to sneak in, but as soon as he opened the door, he caught Hermann's attention. Gab shook his head reassuringly: no emergency, continue. He sat down and listened until the end of the lecture.

'Good afternoon, Dr. Gottlieb.' He came down to the blackboard, which looked terrifyingly out of place and era and yet was heavily used by one certain professor. 'I came to talk to you about...' Gabriel decided to go straight to business. 'drifting. We had this idea that Olga and Anton might be drift compatible and so, we could run our programme with their drift.'

Hermann looked at him without moving and Gab was afraid he broke the man.

'You want to run the programme which I have seen last?' Hermann came to life again. 'The programme that gives you more than four thousand failures every time?'

'We got it under four thousand lately but yeah...'

Hermann thinned his lips.

'Are you trying to waste my time here?'

'Do you think this is a waste of time now?' Gab said it a bit louder than he intended.

Hermann breathed in ready to fire a tirad of angry words at Gab.

'Professor? Could you look at my paper?'

Gab turned to the student who was so rudely interrupting what he was expecting to get from Hermann - anything at all. The man did not really pay much attention to him, not more than to other members of the institute or students, they did not talk much after he moved out to the tiniest room in Zone 6. Gab frowned when Hermann took the paper and leaned heavily on the rostrum, hunching over it. In a few minutes of silence he not only read the whole 5 pages, but also made marks on it. He briefly commented to the student, whose cheeks were growing sickishly pink.

'That... was pretty harsh.'

'I will not permit a drift but you must have already known that. What do you want, Gabriel?'

'A quantum computer.'

Hermann raised an eyebrow.

'Alright.'

'Seriously?'

'Yes. I have been considering that, too. We have to allocate a schedule to use computing capacity, that is hindering our institute research projects.' Hermann held his cane. 'Now walk with me and report on which problems you have resolved in the algorithm.'

They walked side by side while Gabriel was talking. He was not sure he had the man's full attention, but he felt content with whatever he was offered. Hermann tried to listen to both Gabriel and Newton, the latter mostly commenting.

'I have someone who might be able to give more results for us out of her drifting. Actually, I might have them both drift...' Hermann stopped on the stairs at the entrance to the institute building.

'You mean Mako and Raleigh, right? Herms? From what we have seen in the programme, I wouldn't recommend... Hell, I am strongly against it.'

'But right now it is too dangerous.'

Hermann took a few breaths, calming his mind. His latest MRI showed the same thing it did the first time. No changes. He actually did not feel any different apart from much more exhaustion and heaviness. But that was definitely due to the lack of sleep.

'Why don't you rest a bit, Herm?' Newton came closer and brushed on his palm with his fingers.

'I have to check the progress on prosthetics. They carried out a series of experiments today.' Gottlieb said mostly to himself.

Gabriel examined Hermann's face.

'They are doing fine, Aparajita was there.'

'Yes, I asked her.'

'Oh? She didn't say.' Gabriel wanted to do something to ease the man beside him, do something good to him, to make up for all the crap he had to go through during his life, both of them. It was not an act of selfless kindness, Gab was aware of his own interest in that, too. He put his arm on the man's back.

Hermann turned to fully face him and Gab's hand slipped to his side. The look on the man's face was a mixture of irritation and anger. Gab had never seen him like that.

'I...'

'Don't,' Hermann interrupted his apology, 'touch me. What made you think that I would appreciate your gestures?' Gottlieb hissed at him and limped to the building.

Gab let out a distressed sigh and walked to the nearest cafe to get afternoon coffee for his colleagues.

'So, you talked to him and?'

'And he said we don't have his permission. Although, he agreed to a quantum computer.'

'What? Sweet!' Ryo rolled over to them in his chair. 'We had them one per Shatterdome so I have some experience. And that is awesome.'

'That might actually help us prove a quantum approach to consciousness.'

Apajarita smiled and nodded.

'That is... Insane...' Andrea gulped her coffee. 'I can't believe we will have a chance to do that. Also - we might need years!'

'Do you think he will be able to get us a quantum computer? How many qubits, you think?' Ryo was visibly excited.

'Well, PPDC is pretty powerful now and Dr. Gottlieb has his own leverage, too.'

'Yeah, also his father is a powerful man.'

'Eh, he is like the main opposition to the PPDC, do you read the news?'

'No, actually, I don't.'

'So that's why we don't hear about his dad from Dr. Gottlieb.'

'Oh come on, I have not heard about your dad at all. It's not something you really talk about.'

'My dad died.' Gab turned from his computer.

His coworkers fell silent.

'We are sorry, Gab.'

'It's alright. We just have our reasons not to talk about our dads, you know?'

He smiled.

'I am going home.' Aparajita stood up after a few minutes of thick silence.

'Wait for me.' Andrea gathered her things and pushed the sleep button on the computer.

When Ryo left with them, Olga and Anton approached Gab.

'We are still going to do it.'

Gab was waiting for them to say it.

'I never doubted you, guys. Don't tell Aparajita, though. She will report us to Dr. Gottlieb.'

'Then Andrea is out, too. They are dating. You didn't know?'

'What about Ryo?'

'Yeah, he's alright, I guess.'

They drifted the next week. Hermann got to the hospital as soon as Aparajita informed him on the phone. Gab called Travis first to get Olga and Anton to the best London hospital - University College Hospital was the obvious choice. Both Russians were in coma and in emergency due to critical condition declared by the doctors.

Gabriel sat at the computer in the dark lab when Hermann stumped in. He grabbed the boy by the collar and raised him from the chair.

'Doctor...'

'You didn't even have the courage to go with them to the hospital.'

Gab clutched at Hermann's hand holding him.

'What could I do for them!? I didn't... want to watch them die.'

Hermann looked at the boy's face. His eyes were red, hair plastered to the forehead. Gab had a panic attack recently and was just about to have another one. Hermann let his grip loosen and Gab slid down to his legs. The boy was struggling with breathing. Hermann lowered himself on the floor and pulled shuddering Gabriel close to himself.

'Shhh...' Gottlieb caressed boy's hair, feeling Gab shiver between sobs and low wailing moans. 'They are not dead. They would have probably done it without your assistance.'

Time flew by and pain in Hermann's leg was almost unbearable. He patted Gab's back and nudged him to stand up.

'Help me.'

Gabriel pulled Hermann to his legs after raising himself. He was a mess as was Hermann. They both looked at the computer still flashing with output of the programme.

'They drifted.' Gab's voice was rough and sounded alien.

'Yes.'

'We have a lot of new data.'

Hermann sighed, wincing from pain in his leg.

'I have an important meeting tomorrow morning and I have to get back home. You need some rest, too.'

'I will be fine.' Gabriel looked at the floor.

Hermann touched the boy's chin so he would raise his eyes.

'I will be back in the afternoon and I want you to be well rested by that time.'

Gab swallowed and nodded.

Hermann hesitated before removing his hand and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> University College Hospital actually does not currently deal with these kind of emergencies specifically, but we are talking about the future, right? 
> 
> Please comment. Also, the next chapter will spike the rating of this fic.


	7. Chapter 7

Mozgovs were still in coma, but they stabilised and were considered not in danger any more. Their drifting data was invaluable for the research.

‘I wish Anton and Olga were here to help us analyse it.’ Ryo rubbed his eyes.

‘They will be here soon.’ Gabriel was shaking his leg while typing with his ungodly speed, not even stopping for talking.

‘I wouldn’t trust him on that, Ryo.’ Aparajita was looking at the results from drifting and at the recent brain scans of the siblings.

‘Raji, will you please stop blaming him?’ Andrea worked on the analysis as well. ‘Also, Ryo was there, too.’

They mostly worked in silence. The tension between them spiked when Olga and Anton were hospitalized. Gab received much more coldness for not coming with the emergency at first. But he visited his hurt colleagues several times and the team was gradually warming to him again. They saw him suffer from guilt. They also saw him working almost 24/7. He was younger than any of them and they felt some responsibility towards keeping him functional at least. Hence Gabriel got a sofa so he would not sleep on the chairs any more. And he got a blanket and a pillow, too. And they kept food in the lab for him and made sure cookies and apples never ran out. Gabriel was grateful for that. But he appreciated the midnight dinners with Hermann the most. After everybody had left the doctor would limp into the lab with steaming take out dinners and sit down beside Gabriel. He would look at his day’s work and they would eat and then work together till Hermann left to get some sleep. Gabriel would walk with him as if leaving as well and then return to the lab. He was not a big fan of night buses and commuting was more than an hour-long challenge every time he went to his rented room. It was easier to stay.

 

‘You spend so much time in the lab with that Schneider lately.’ Newton leaned on the wall in the kitchen, watching Hermann make himself a cup of tea.

‘Not tonight, Newton. I have come home before ten as you advised me.’

‘Yeah. Thank you. Actually, thank me. I know you don’t feel that well and you haven’t slept properly for weeks and there is also me getting on your nerves all the time.’

Hermann felt Newton stand behind him.

‘I do not mind your company, Newton. I thought you realised that.’

‘Mhm, I do. I was just thanking you, dude. I know it’s hard on you.’ Newton breathed into the skin on Hermann’s neck, putting his hands around the man.

‘It’s hard on both of us.’ Hermann’s heart started beating faster, making his face feel warmer.

‘Yeah.’ Newton smiled and pressed his lips where his breath was a moment ago.

Hermann let out a hum which sounded a bit like a slight moan.

‘I have an idea, Herm… Let’s go to the bedroom.’

Hermann cleared his throat.

‘Newton, I…’

‘I know, Herms, thank you for keeping such a big distance between us in your brain. Now I can surprise you with something.’ He let the man go and Hermann turned to face him. ‘I want to have sex with you. If that’s alright?’ Newton smiled.

Hermann searched his face for any sign of mischief.

‘How are we..?’

Newton took his hand and led him out of the kitchen.

‘I think I can trick your brain. I know it’s a bit weird and maybe creepy but I have been studying erm… this place where you let me stay.’ Newton squeezed his palm. ‘Have you noticed how real these sensations you get from me are? I think I can put them to eh good use?’

Hermann caught himself smiling with anticipation like a teenager. He raised his eyes on Newton, who stood in front of him in the dark bedroom.

‘I love you.’

Newton’s eyes widened.

‘That’s ah…’ He ran a free hand through his hair. ‘I know, Herms.’ He smiled and leaned in for a kiss, but stopped right before their lips touched. ‘I love you, too.’

Hermann felt his chest filling with sweet numbness which rose to his throat and meddled with his breathing. He reduced the distance between their lips to nil.

‘You have to help me here a little,’ Newton tugged at Hermann’s clothes, smiling.

Hermann pulled his sweater over his head and Newt’s hands were there to brush his hair. Gottlieb swallowed before unbuttoning his shirt and Newton caressed his shoulders and chest. The man removed his white t-shirt and shivered when Newton put kisses on his collarbones.

‘Herms, you know, you have some powers over your… mental images… and you have my consent, if you are still worried about that.’ Newton took Hermann’s hands and put them on his chest.

‘Right.’ Hermann narrowed his eyes at the buttons of Newton’s shirt, with fingers trembling.

Gottlieb's vision doubled with faint blood stains on the white fabric and his mind rushed into the memories of their drift and Newton's death. He let his lands fall to his sides and closed his eyes.

‘Although, I can help you here, too.’ Newton’s voice was soothing and encouraging.

The touch of skin-to-skin made Hermann open his eyes again to witness the colorful skin of his partner.

‘You have not seen them in a while, right?’

‘Yes,’ Hermann traced Newt’s tattoos, feeling comforting human warmth under his fingertips. ‘This is amazing.’

‘Your brain is amazing, Herms.’ Newton stepped closer to bed. ‘Would you...’ He put his hands to Hermann’s waist, slipping his fingers between the skin and the fabric of his trousers.

Gottlieb undid a button and a zip and pulled his clothes down before sitting on the side of the bed to help himself with socks. Newton watched him with a smirk on his lips.

‘Never thought you were so… practical.’

‘Didn’t you?’

Newton laughed, shaking off his jeans and pants and assisting Hermann to lie down on the bed.

‘We know each other pretty well now, huh?’

‘We always did,’ Hermann pulled Newt close to him for a kiss, as soon as he was on the bed as well.

Newton cupped Hermann’s face with his palm, deepening the kiss. Hermann opened his mouth eagerly for Newt’s tongue and moaned. Without breaking their kiss even for a moment, his partner moved so he was straddling Hermann with legs stretched to his sides. Gottlieb’s hands found Newton’s hips and he gripped them, making Newton shift closer to his crotch.

‘Ah!.. Are you making it rough, Herms?’

‘Sorry,’ Hermann sighed trying to find his breath again, but realized he won’t be able to steady it now. He gently rubbed at Newton’s sides, taking in the view of the man’s body in all its glory. ‘You are beautiful.’

‘Err, man, normally you are required to say ‘handsome’ but I’ll let it slip. English is not your native language, is it, meine schön?’

Hermann giggled, covering his mouth with a hand. Newt caught his hand and tangled their fingers together near Hermann’s head on a pillow. He looked into Newt’s green eyes and slid his other hand over his partner’s colourful stomach down to his hard penis. Newt leaned into Hermann’s arm and breathed through his parted lips. He moved so that Hermann’s hand could reach his own erection at the same time. Hermann made a few experimental strokes on both of them and had to stop because the feeling was overwhelming.

‘Newton...’

‘I know, Herm, I know… Let’s take it slow, okay?’ Newton put a hand on his partner’s chest and drummed his fingers lightly, almost tickling Hermann, who moved his hand back on Newton’s hip.

Newton lowered himself for a kiss, balancing his weight on the elbow. Their stomachs touched and Newton carefully shifted, moaning in the unison with Hermann when their erections rubbed with each other. Hermann’s hand squeezed Newton’s hip and pushed it for more friction. They had to stop kissing for Hermann to get a decent amount of oxygen.

‘Herm, breath with me.’ Newton set the rhythm for both their breathing and movements.

‘This… is… fantastic, Newton.’ Hermann felt feverish with sensations.

‘Yeah...’ Newton kissed the top of his nose and slowly sat back on Hermann’s lap. ‘Herm, I want you to open up your mind a bit. See?’ He went for a heated whisper. ‘I am all ready for you.’ Newt took Hermann’s cock in his hand and stroked it. ‘I want you inside me.’

Hermann felt coldness of slick lube on his penis. He nodded and saw Newton raising a bit to take it into himself. Hermann put both of his hands on Newton’s hips to guide him as his partner shut his eyes sitting down until he touched the shaft of Hermann’s cock. Newt sobbed with staggering overflow of emotions. Gottlieb smiled at him, breathing heavily and caressing Newton’s hips and sides, moving his thumbs in circles. He blinked to clear his vision. He could see and not see Newton at the same time. He could feel him, though. Hermann concentrated on that.

‘You alright?’

‘Ye...yes…’ Hermann pressed on Newt’s hips and his partner gasped for air, feeling Hermann’s cock push even deeper.

Newt raised his hips excruciatingly slowly and Hermann could not resist to thrust himself up. He groaned with pain in his leg and Newt moaned with pleasure.

‘Oh man, sorry. You don’t have to move much.’ Newton set the tempo for his movements, spreading his palms over Hermann’s stomach.

‘Oh, Newton...’

‘Yes, Herms… yes…’

Hermann closed his eyes, and his whole world became a thick fabric of feelings, rapidly growing in their intensity. He made Newt move faster, pressing his partner’s hips down right after he would raise himself. He heard their moans and Newton’s feelings rushed into his mind. The images were vivid, wild with colors and structures and ideas.

Newton cried out coming over Hermann’s stomach. The intensity of his partner’s orgasm made Hermann black out for a moment before he caught his own waves of pleasure.

Newton still moved lazily before halting and lowering himself over Hermann to kiss him sloppily and rest on his chest. They were breathing completely in sync, calming their hearts. Hermann touched upon Newton’s presence which he still felt in his mind and Newton groaned with pleasure.

‘You are so awesome, Herms. You are brilliant, fantastic. You mind is… so… cool, man.’ Newton’s hand slipped to play with Hermann’s hair. ‘It was...’ Newt moaned instead of finding an appropriate word.

‘Yes… Newton…’ Hermann murmured, kissing the top of Newton’s head. ‘Is this what your mind looks like all the time or only during… intense events?’ He shifted, slipping out of Newton, making his partner let out a long content sigh.

‘O-oh, right,’ Newt massaged Hermann’s scalp. ‘You kinda saw that, huh? It’s what it is like now. I normally did not have that, really.’ He hummed. ‘I suppose it’s something you have never used yourself, this ability of mind to mmm paint everything in colors? So, I guess I took your synesthetic neurons.’

‘You sound highly unscientific, Newton, I am worried about you.’ He squeezed the man in his arms.

Newton pulled himself closer to Hermann, if that was even possible. Instead of reply he ran the gears of his mind and Hermann felt his head fill with so many things at once as if the whole world was rushing from the outside, not only London, Hong Kong, the whole planet with particles - all and every one of them - with the waves and quantum states, the Universe was knocking on the door to his mind, and, opening the door, Hermann could see the parallel universes and planes queueing right behind it. The brightest and biggest one was the Anteverse with the glimmering Kaijus, those that invaded the Earth and those that invaded other worlds and those that died with the explosion and those only in projects. He felt all events in the Anteverse collapsing into one moment, everything happening at once as if he suddenly could not comprehend the paradigm of time dimension, largely affected by the nuclear bomb distortion of space-time continuum. And then he felt the serenity of the Hivemind, it's reassuring presence and certainty of survival on other planes, its neverending existence, Hermann felt every member of the Hive glancing at him, welcoming him, comforting him. He could not breathe.

‘Shit, Herm...’ Newton pushed him to the side and Hermann threw up.

Tears were streaming from his eyes and he could feel Newton wrap his hands around him and he heard Newton’s mum sing a lullaby with a soothing voice and Vanessa crying on the phone trying to tell him she lost the baby which was not exactly his and his father shouting at him for accepting an offer from the PPDC. He threw up again.

‘New… ton...’

‘Yeah, I am here.’ Newt sounded distant, his voice coming through barotrauma of Hermann’s ears.

‘Talk to me, Newton,’ he was panicking, unable to move.

‘Don’t be afraid, Herms, you are doing fine. There is a bit of blood streaming from your nose but generally? You are fine, Herm. I am so sorry, I didn’t think it would… I mean it is what happens in your brain all the time on, erm, my side of it? Stay conscious, please, I am trying to make it better. Herms, I am so sorry. It’s not the best continuation of the night, is it? Can you get up, Herms? Please? You need to stop that bleeding from the nose. Just, you know, to be sure it’s not… serious? Also, maybe wash your mouth. You know, the acid from your stomach is kinda digesting your teeth now. Shit, I mean… Darn, I was never good at comforting people, you know? Ah...’ Newton nudged him.

‘Let me… stay like that for a minute, Newton...’

‘No, Herms, please, you gotta move.’ He pressed to Hermann’s back more.

Gottlieb felt his face crush into the floor. The starting ache made him push himself to sit and clean the vomit from his face.

‘Ew, sorry.’ Newton stood up beside him and outstretched his hand.

Hermann took his hand, feeling immense pain pulsing in his leg and head. He put both his hands to his temples.

‘Herms, let’s go to the bathroom.’ Newton’s voice was still muffled and for some reason it hurt Hermann’s ears but he agreed and followed.

He moved very slowly, afraid to fall in case his leg or brain gave in.

‘Come on, Herms, take this towel and wet it. Here we go, good.’ Newton circled his hand over Hermann’s back. ‘You are okay.’

Hermann looked at himself in the mirror. He was definitely not okay.

‘Man, I am so sorry.’ Newton put his head on Hermann’s shoulder, but so lightly that Hermann did not feel a thing. ‘I think I am hurting you.’

‘Newton, it’s fine.’ He removed the rest of the vomit and blood from his face and flipped the towel to the other side to remove his sperm. ‘I… would like to say I enjoyed it...’

Newton smiled.

‘This is sick, man.’ He pressed his lips to the side of Hermann’s neck and looked at them in the mirror. ‘Cool, huh? I can see myself.’ He lightly bit on Hermann’s shoulder. ‘I am not a vampire at least… But I think I'd better go...’

Hermann put a towel to his nose as it started bleeding again.

‘I guess I am too much for your brain right now.’

‘Please, Newton.’ Hermann extended his hand to touch him.

‘I am always… on your mind, you know that. Too much word puns for today? I am serious, Herm, I’d better go.’

Hermann looked in the mirror again. Newton smiled and kissed his shoulder before disappearing with the blink of an eye. Hermann sighed and felt relief. He touched his swelling cheekbone where he had hit the floor when he fell. It was starting to bruise. He carefully came back to the time of their intimacy in his mind and smirked at himself for thinking it was worth it.

‘Childish,’ he said to himself in the mirror and shut his left bloodshot eye.

He limped back to his bedroom and glanced at his clothes scattered around the place. He could see Newt’s clothes there as well, while not being able to really grasp their existence. Hermann picked up his pants and t-shirt and put them on before climbing in the bed and falling asleep.

 

Gottlieb woke up when it was already getting dark. He checked himself in the mirror and called Trevor.

‘I need an MRI.’

‘Well, you can’t have one, Hermann. Didn’t you have it recently?’

‘Could you see me today?’

‘Did anything happen?’

‘I would rather talk in person.’

‘Of course.’

The cab took him to the University College Hospital and Trevor was waiting for him in the lobby.

‘Hermann! What the hell happened to you?’ He covered Gottlieb’s face with his palms and examined his face.

‘I fell.’ Hermann smiled, letting his head being turned to sides, his cheekbone touched and eye inspected.

Trevor freezed.

‘This is the first time I hear you attempt a joke. Was there any particular cause for falling?’

‘I… was remembering my partner, I vomited and fell from the bed,’ Hermann gestured on his cheek. ‘Also, I bled from the nose. It felt like my brain was too big for the skull.’

‘I see… Do you… Does this happen at other times when you think about Dr. Geiszler?’

‘No. But that was different. I can’t really explain, Trevor.’

The man nodded.

‘So, you would like an MRI again, right?’

‘Yes, if that’s possible.’

He was so used to MRI that he stopped noticing its noise at all. He lay still and thought about his work and planned the upcoming week.

‘There is a mild concussion.’

Hermann looked at the scan.

‘Nothing to worry about, probably when you hit the head on the floor. Here is your prescription, take the pills as instructed.’ Trevor looked at Hermann.

‘Thank you.’

‘You sure you are alright? You do look a bit off but I’d say it’s the right kind of wrong.’ Trevor smiled.

‘I was consistently assured that someone had to smack me in the face once in a while to make me more bearable.’ Hermann smirked.

‘That’s bloody fantastic,’ Trevor shook his head in bewilderment. ‘Please drink lots of water and rest to be sure there are no complications.’

‘I actually plan to do exactly that.’

‘Good.’ Trevor still looked astonished.

Hermann stood up and shook his hand.

‘Thank you. Sorry to keep you at work so late.’

‘No, I am always ready to help, Hermann. Don’t hesitate to call me whenever.’

‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

He visited Mozgovs who were still in coma without any kind of prediction of their recovery. Hermann walked into the street and turned to go through the UCL campus. He passed the Cruciform building and marched across the Byng place to the Gordon Square, but it was closed for the night so he came back and sat at the wooden table facing the church. Hermann felt a bit restless so he walked again, picked a few books at the bookshop on the corner and got his medicine on the main street before catching a cab to get home. His mind was a tranquil and unrippled ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Hello, new rating. 
> 
> Isn't this chapter long? I hope you like it.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermann came to the lab only the next day, after his afternoon lecture. He felt well-rested and refreshed despite the medicated numb pain in the head and leg.

‘Oh my god! What happened, Dr. Gottlieb?’

‘It looks like you got into a fight.’ Gabriel stood close to him, hiding his concern behind a sympathetic grin.

‘I wish. The floor hit me and there is not much you can do in response, is there?’

His team smiled at him, nervously sharing glances with each other, not knowing how to act in the situation that was not at all expected or even dared to be imagined.

‘Do you... want to sit down?’ Andrea suggested to break the silence. 

‘Yes, that would be nice.’ Hermann took the offered chair. ‘Tell me about your progress of the past day, if any.’

‘Actually, we have something.’ Ryo jumped up to his legs. 'I suppose we have found a safer route for solo drifting with a machine.'

Hermann looked at their work. Andrea bit on her thumb, watching from behind the doctor's back.

'Very good. How about we change this part?'

'Told ya!' Gab turned and typed in his alterations and beamed when Hermann nodded with approval.

'Do you think we are ready to experiment?'

'I don't know, Ryo. After what happened to Olga and Anton...' Aparajita shrugged.

'It is safe.' Gab stood up and stretched. 'We can conduct a fresh drift by the end of the week. And then decide whether it's safe for a drift with some data.'

'I will get our lawyers to work on the necessary papers for the experiment,' Hermann stated. 'We will have a few subjects in a succession of days to be sure.'

 

First experiments were a success. Hermann felt proud of his team. He hoped that they would soon succeed in applying interface to the data as well. And then he would make Newton whole again.

'Miss Mori? Mako? This is Doctor Gottlieb.'

'Doctor Gottlieb! Hello! How are you?'

'I am perfectly well, thank you. We have made a huge progress in the drifting programme. I am calling to say that we might need you soon for our...' Hermann paused as Newton put a hand on his shoulder. '...tests.'

Newt tightened his grip on Hermann’s shoulder, but he ignored it.

'That’s great! Sorry,' Mako apologized and shortly spoke to someone before returning to the phone call. 'I am ready whenever you are. We are a little bit under the water now with the UN and PPDC nuclear power project. You've probably heard of it?'

Hermann smiled at the girl’s enthusiasm.

'Of course, it's been in the news for weeks now. You are doing a good job, Mako.'

'I am not doing it alone. Anyway, Doctor Gottlieb, please tell me when to come and I will find time.'

Hermann thinned his lips as Newton poked his cheek.

'Thank you. I will call you again when it is clear that it is safe to conduct the experiment.'

'Herms...' Newton started.

'Don't say anything.' Hermann looked him in the eye. 'I will do everything possible to ensure her complete safety.'

Newt sighed and shook his head.

'There is no one else. And I cannot risk myself, you know that.'

'Yeah...' Newton paced the office. 'I am just worried.'

‘One of us has to be.’

 

'Today we brought the future closer!' Andrea’s voice rolled around the pub.

'To future!'

'To us!'

They smashed their glasses together and drank another round.

Hermann watched his team getting profoundly drunk.

He tipped his glass to catch the light and refracted a rainbow on the table. He could make the world colorful, if he wanted. But he did not need it while he had Newton, who even looked like a rainbow himself let alone refracted the light with which the world shone on him.

‘Doctor Gottlieb?’ Gab’s voice was suddenly too close.

Hermann looked around, his team staring at him expectantly.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I was saying, now we will move on to building fully autonomous robots, right?’

‘That was the plan, yes.’ Hermann took a sip from his glass.

Gab’s smile twitched for a fraction of a second.

‘Seriously?’

‘Yes. Why else do you think I would have established the institute?’

‘That…’ Ryo hiccupped in the middle of the sentence, ‘is fantastic!’.

‘No, wait! I know why - why you established the institute and hired me,’ Gab’s breath was almost hoppy itself.

‘You - do not know anything,’ Hermann glared at Gab with the determination which could only compare to Smaug’s at the moment the dragon decided to destroy villages.

But he was not lying, not exactly. Sentinel robots were a side effect, which was a plausible outcome of the whole enterprise. Hermann was content with this path, he used to dream about it when he was a child, many many years ago. Before Kaiju, before drifting, before Newt…

‘Well, tell me then.’ Gab leaned closer to his boss. ‘What else?’

‘Apart from robots with AI? It is a way to extend existence of a consciousness for undetermined period of time. Simply speaking, we will live forever.’

This had a somewhat sobering effect on the group of scientists. They stared in their glasses pensively. It seemed that realisation of being at the centre of achieving goals bigger than any project on which they have ever worked on their own pressured them and washed them on the shore of an island they have never had a luxury to visit before. Gabriel got that much faster than the rest or maybe he was on that hypothetical Newtonian shore all along.

‘Doctor Gottlieb… I think I am speaking for the rest of the group... Thank you for the opportunity to do what we do here.’ His slurred words were utterly genuine.

Hermann examined Gabriel’s face. The boy sheepishly smiled at him and shrugged, while his eyes were still the eyes of a person who understood the universe rules on the highest possible level and possessed the ability to construct an intellect through the mathematical algorithms. Hermann breathed out slowly, with perfect precision and counted to four in German.  

‘You are welcome,’ he said, suddenly noticing others waiting for his reaction. He made himself turn from Gab to face someone else - it was Ryo, who nodded, and with a twinkling tearful eyes brought him closer into a tight hug out of the blue.

‘To Doctor Gottlieb!’ Andrea announced and everyone cheered rather too loudly and drank.

Hermann shook his head, thinking about what Newton would have made out of this. Dr Hermann Gottlieb being cheered by his lab workers in a traditional English pub. How did he even got here? He normally would not get anywhere near socialising with anybody from his lab. Was it the whole post-saving-the-humanity-from-extinction development or his catching up Newtonian tendencies?

He got once again yanked out of his thoughts by a gentle touch on his arm. It was not Newton. Sprouts of anger tried to grow in him as they normally did at the Gab’s touch and withered at the sight of the boy sitting next to him. Hermann's sober mind opposite the drunk brilliant rapid young brain of the MIT dropout could not provide for any type of the rejection and defence. And thus, defenceless, his mind allowed a few more seconds of touch than it would find appropriate at any other time.

‘I think we should call it a night.’ His words fell and everybody agreed with a daunting considerations of the immense amount of work waiting to be done in the light of their recent achievements.

Gabriel helped Hermann get up, although he deceitfully looked like he might need some help with walking himself.

Nodding, half-hugging and doing all the other awkward family/friends-substituting actions between co-workers, they finally set home as their destination. Hermann, though, decided he could use the calmness of his office as an asset for the night. And Gab, being himself, decided to follow and actually not even try to get home tonight even though it was still a pretty decent hour, as it is a British tradition to get drunk before it gets too dark and late, and the tube is still open.

They walked along for a few minutes before Hermann looked at Gab and registered his presence. After clearing his throat he spoke.

‘Your acknowledgement of my impact on the lab is quite flattering.’ Hermann straightened his glasses, looking ahead. ‘I would like to thank you for expressing your feelings in such manner.’

Gab gawked and snickered.

‘I’d say you are drunk, professor Gottlieb, but I know for sure you didn’t have any alcohol and I have been watching you pretty closely.’

Hermann ignored this thoroughly and walked on.

‘Have you been reading these articles, by the way? It’s like a war between silicon and quantum brain. So intense. And their labs are, like, very close to each other in the institute.’ Gab gesticulated avidly.

‘Yes, I have been reading them, of course. More than that,’ Hermann breathed in the humid air. ‘I was the one who started it.’ He felt good about letting the boy look under the cover of his plans.

‘Wow!’ Gab exclaimed in astonishment and turned to face Hermann, walking with his back forwards. ‘That is evil!’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘Yes, I can see that now. You are trying to take over the world. What else do you have in mind?’ He grinned with zealous inspiration. ‘Starting space missions? Terraforming other planets? Invading alien worlds?’  
  
‘No.’ Hermann replied in a grave tone to a misplaced joke.  
  
‘S-sorry!’ Gab stuttered on apology, tripping over the pavement stone.  
  
‘Please do not fall.’ Hermann made no attempt whatsoever to help Gabriel up, but stopped to watch the young man sprawled in front of him.  
  
Gab stood on his knees before Hermann, his chest rising and falling rapidly, with a broad smile on his face. Hermann raised his hand and placed it on Gab’s head, ruffling his hair, checking for wounds.  
  
‘Your brain is my asset.’ He explained. ‘Don’t damage it more than necessary.’  
  
‘It’s not your property,’ Gab took Hermann’s hand, standing up carefully as not to put any of his weight on the man using the cane.  
  
‘You should let my hand go now.’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
‘We have talked about this.’ Hermann searched his mind for ire, cultivating irritation on the fertile soil of his inner fields of deeply rooted acrimony.  
  
‘I remember.’ Gab looked down and stuck both hands into the big cozy pocket of his hoodie, biting on his lip.  
  
‘Come on,’ Hermann urged the boy, touching his shoulder and giving him a push to start walking again. ‘We’ll never reach the lab if one of us keeps examining the pavement with his skull.’  
  
They walked the London and soon were in the institute building.  
  
‘You are sleeping here, aren’t you?’ Hermann leaned on the door frame, watching the boy sitting down before the computer and switching the monitor on.  
  
‘Yeah,’ he answered simply.  
  
‘Why?’ Hermann stepped in to stand behind Gab.  
  
‘‘Cause,’ Gab shrugged, idly going through his code, which was more a narcissistic act than a purposeful one.  
  
‘Very mature,’ Hermann observed.  
  
‘What?’ Gabriel removed his thumb from his mouth and stood up, watching Hermann's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.   
  
Gab closed the door to the lab, which was normally kept open, and walked back to where Hermann stood using the table as a cane substitute. He pulled off his hoody over the head rather gracefully, as Hermann admitted was not a common occurrence in tipsy young men. Gab tugged down at his t shirt, which lifted with the hoody, and Hermann realised he was ogling the boy. Gab did not smile or joke, nor did he break their much too serious eye-to-eye staring.  
  
‘I think about death,’ he said as if he was discussing the weather, ‘all the time. What is it like? What did my dad feel?’  
  
Hermann was mesmerized, he tried not to breathe because it would have ruined the moment. And somehow he felt that was important. He could not quite understand if importance of that moment was singular and subjective for him, or for Gabriel, or for both of them, or if that moment presupposed consequences on a much larger scale. Like years ago his choice to pursue mathematics or write back to Dr Newton Geiszler. It would inevitably outstretch through time.  
  
‘What will I feel?’ Gabriel made another step and Hermann felt as if someone injected a cube of ice-cold blood through the artery in his neck. ‘Do I have to die?’  
  
Hermann’s hand twitched as if to protect his personal space from rude invasion and instead found its place on Gab’s waist. The flesh under his fingers was so warm, so real and tangible, it tore Hermann up to the core.  
  
‘No.’ Hermann whispered in terrified bewilderment.  
  
‘Yes, I do. And it’s unfair.’ Gab whispered back.  
  
‘Please.’ Hermann pleaded, not sure what for.  
  
Gabriel rested his hands on Hermann’s sides. His eyes flicked to Hermann’s dry mouth for a fleeting second before he decided against it. The boy pressed his lips to the skin on Gottlieb’s neck, setting a shuddering through his body. It was electrifying. Hermann felt his brain reconstructing the reality which was previously set up based on the wrong predicaments. Were they wrong? Was he deceiving himself?  
  
Gab unbuttoned his shirt. Hermann put his hand back on the table to stabilize his own weight. He closed his eyes, nudging his lower lip with teeth. His head was pulsating, filled with every thought he wished he didn’t have under the warmth of sandy kisses on his stomach - and suddenly it went silent. Compete and utter peace. He heard himself breath out. Gab unzipped his trousers. Hermann sucked the air in hecticly upon the touch. It was unbelievably good. His mind burst with emotion. Hermann felt easy and light, without that constant impeding heaviness. Gab took his dick in the palm. Hermann felt so free, his throat produced a sound of a muffled cry of joy. He indulged in this immature act of flattery from Gab and immersed into the self-absorption without limitations and internal blocks. Gab licked his cock experimentally and Hermann put one of his hands on the back of the boy’s head to guide him. The wet hotness of Gab’s mouth on his dick made him moan into the emptiness of the lab. A small resonance readily followed.  
  
Hermann skipped a few breaths with gleeful happiness. It was his own experience. His very own. Hermann looked down and watched Gab enthusiastically work on his dick. Gottlieb felt a sort of revelation. He was still young. Hell, he was not even forty.  
  
He came into Gab’s mouth, and the boy choked and coughed, lowering himself over the floor. Hermann zipped his trousers and sat down next to Gabriel resting his back against the side of the table. The young man crawled into his lap and Hermann patted him. He played with his long screaming-for-a-cut hair, making occasional swirls on the boy’s warm arched back. Gab’s catlike features deserved admiration.  
  
‘Thank you,’ Hermann said in a low tone.  
  
Gab raised on his arms to look at Hermann. They shared a few moments of staring into each other eyes before Gab looked to the side with shameful blushing showing on his cheeks. Hermann smiled and brought the boy’s face close to his with a somewhat forceful pull of his hand on the back of his neck. Hermann momentarily feared the boy would start suffocating and would need his inhaler. But Gab adjusted his weight and got invested into a deep kiss. Hermann invaded Gab’s mouth with his tongue, tasting cum and feeling teeth at his sensitive flesh. That was overwhelming. He squeezed Gabriel in his hands, bringing him closer, abusing his youth, his subversiveness and inexperienced desire. Gab’s mouth was wet and his lips red and slightly opened after the kiss. Hermann shifted the boy to sit in his lap without much nuisance for his leg. He let the boy place his arms on his shoulders. Hermann looked at the boy’s face, finding slight fear mixed with rash and newly acquired confidence. Hermann’s hand slid on the Gab’s stomach under the t shirt and caressed him. Gab removed his t shirt without much thought, opening up for sensations under Hermann’s fingers. The touch varied from being light to rough, always adoring Gab’s responsive body.  
  
Hermann undid Gab’s jeans, watching the boy freeze with anticipation. He took Gab’s hard dick in his hand and stroked it. Gab whimpered and groaned, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. With another hand Hermann put the boy’s head in place again and made him open his eyes as he discontinued the stroking. Gab raised his eyebrow with a question forming on his lips, but Hermann’s smile made him stay silent. His cock twitched and Hermann set a steady rhythm to the movements. The boy lasted less than a minute, biting his lips, afraid to shut his eyes for too long and breathing heavily, close to a constant groan. He came shuddering and would collapse on Hermann, if a hand hadn’t stopped him firmly, while another hand was still on his cock, making idle strokes, which sent the boy over the peak of any kind of euphoria he had ever felt before.  
  
Finally, Hermann let the boy slowly fall on him, resting his head on Hermann’s shoulder. The boy smelled of beer and sweat with a sweet tingling to it. His breathing was getting closer to normal, and Hermann would soon let him stand up although he found himself feeling utterly reluctant to let Gab go. He searched himself for any kind of resistance, doubt, guilt - anything. But his mind was at peace. Tranquil ocean, waves gently washing on the black stone shore.  
  
Gab unattached himself from Hermann’s shoulder, and raised his head. The boy’s eyes were warm and he smiled, as if saying something in the lines of ‘Well...’. Hermann smiled back and pulled him into one more magnanimous kiss. Then he guided Gab to stand up. The boy helped Hermann rise, too. They now stood in front of each other, continuing the eye-to-eye stare which none of them found uncomfortable. Hermann took his cane.  
  
‘You shouldn’t sleep in the lab,’ he said and strolled out of the room to start a short walk home, while Gab opened the door for him and followed, dressing up on the way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no updates for so long, was busy submitting my dissertation etc etc. If anyone still cares, that is. I intend to finish it soon-ish.


End file.
